Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
