Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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