I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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