The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
