I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
