Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize