Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
