their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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