I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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