After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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