Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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