I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're like the curious george of whores
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
