im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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