dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
