Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
