i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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