Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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