Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
