Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
