She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
