So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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