haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
