You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
