i just wanna soil my oats bro
i love accidental penises.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
