i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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