i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
