You work out of a Hotel?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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