Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
