I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
