I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
