she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need a beard to bite.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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