I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
