he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
