3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How does it feel to date your dad?
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