I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
