just tell him i said nine months
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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