Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
