I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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