I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
