hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
