blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
