I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
