dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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