so that wasnt chicken after all
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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