i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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