im about as happy as oj after his trial
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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