Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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