You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
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I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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