You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
