I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
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I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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