And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
