Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
