She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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