Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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