They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
