hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
