is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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