the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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