There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
