the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
