My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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