Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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