I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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