you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Of course I have a pirate flag
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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