pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
